Friend not Therapist - Part 1
We all have had situations where a friend needs to vent to you or the time you need to vent to them, but something we do not consider is “Am I being treated as only a therapist for my friend?”
We all have had situations where a friend needs to vent to you or the time you need to vent to them. It is normal to talk to someone close to you when faced with bottled-up emotions and stress, but something we do not consider is “Am I being treated as only a therapist for my friend?”
Friends can unintentionally treat their friends as their therapists, especially those who are “a good listener, nonjudgemental, trustworthy, and empathetic.” Yet there are many reasons why friends are not therapists and should not be for their friends. Sometimes, friends “lack objectivity, neutrality, and professional training.” They can feel drained when their friend does all the talking, not stopping to listen to their friend’s problems, or unintentionally pressures them into coming up with a solution to their problem.
Are you a therapist friend? Ask yourself these questions,
“When you meet with your friend, do you do nearly all the listening?”
“Do you find it difficult to talk about yourself after listening to your friend?”
“Are you often in the position of trying to cheer your friend up or offer advice when they’re depressed?”
“Do you feel drained after conversations with your friend?”
“Do you feel like you have an obligation to make them feel better?”
“Have you been hesitating meeting or texting your friend for any of these reasons?
If the answer to the majority of these questions is “yes” then you would be a therapist friend. Being the therapist friend is mentally and even physically exhausting and at some point, the friendship becomes less of a destresser and more of a stressor. In all honesty, if a friendship reaches this point it cannot be considered a healthy friendship anymore and actions have to be taken to reach a conclusion that would be healthy for both of you. Consider any of these actions…
“Determine what your friend needs.” Do they need someone to listen to while they vent or do they need someone to give them advice? Understanding which is more mentally exhausting to deal with can give you an idea of how much attention or time you need to give, especially considering your own physical and mental health at that time.
“Set boundaries.” Setting boundaries is a way to show your friends they cannot always depend on you. You have your own life and issues to work out. Your life does not rotate around your friend’s life, you cannot always be at their beck and call. You may not always have time to give attention to your friend, and they must understand that.
“Don’t take on your friend’s baggage.” Being empathetic is admirable, but it can be taken advantage of and leave you emotionally exhausted. You have to remember that your friend’s problems are not your own. While your friend might feel better knowing that you feel their anger, it can be exhausting for you to feel this anger and stress when it is not even your problem. This is especially true if it is a recurring conversation, it gets extremely draining to constantly feel a rush of negative emotions about something you are not directly related to.
“Suggest other resources.” If you have reached a point where you feel you don’t know what to do to help anymore or even see that your friend is reaching a breaking point; you have to consider talking to them about their mental health issues and suggest that they seek professional support. They may not understand it at first, but you can reassure them that you do care about them, so much so that you know your capabilities are not enough to help them, but you know of a therapist or support group who can.
“Practice self-care.” As the therapist friend, you constantly give up parts of yourself to your friends. You give up your time, energy, and wisdom. It gets mentally and physically exhausting, therefore you must take time for yourself. Spend time resting and doing something you like. The more energy you have, the better you feel, and the more likely you will be able to help your friends again.
“Consider ending the friendship.” It can be heartbreaking, but sometimes it is best to end the friendship, especially if you see no signs of improvement. A friendship is a two-way relationship, it is not fair if one person is giving everything and getting nothing in return. At some point, you have to realize your relationship is not a friendship, but just free therapy sessions for the other person. The friendship can fade out if you set boundaries, but sometimes it can be more difficult. It can require long conversations and might result in an unsavory ending, but you have to consider what is best for both of your health, presently and in the future.
A friend is not a therapist, while they can be good listeners who always want the best for you, they have their own lives to live. They cannot always be there to listen to your problems and give you advice. A friendship cannot be a relationship where one person only gives and the other only takes, it is an equal relationship that both sides should understand in order to maintain a healthy friendship.
If you find yourself in need of wellness support and can relate to this, don't hesitate to schedule a free discovery call. And if you know someone who would benefit from this information, why not share it with them today?
Here is our book-a-call link https://MINDYOURWELLNESS.as.me/newclientcall
Self-Love Tips Just For You!
Are you ready to rely on your inner resources to accomplish the steps to achieve self-love?
In this post, we share the benefits of self-love — and some tips — to get you closer to creating a more loving, holistic lifestyle!
Our intention at Counseling Space is to encourage you to celebrate self-love this month.
Last week, I shared with you a giveaway promotion from Zen Box who is a proud supporter of Counseling Space. Today, I created self-love tips for you!
These tips are shared with clients at Counseling Space to allow a more holistic lifestyle. You can utilize the tips daily or when needed, but I suggest to practice at least 1-3 each day.
The great thing about this list is that many of these self-love tips listed are free!
Are you ready to rely on your inner resources to accomplish the steps to achieve self-love?
Why is self-love important?
Here are some of the benefits of practicing self-love:
Healthier lifestyle
Boosts in confidence
Healthy boundaries
and more!
Start your personal empowerment journey with love — download your Self-Love Tips today by submitting the form below!
YOUR SELF-LOVE TIPS
Are You Having Trouble Saying No?
How often do you find yourself whispering “YES” with your mouth when the rest of your being is screaming “NO, NO, NO!”? So many of us are prone to this. Here's how you can go from conforming to confident!
How often do you find yourself whispering “YES” with your mouth when the rest of your being is screaming “NO, NO, NO!”?
So many of us are prone to this.
Our reasons? We are:
- trying to AVOID CONFRONTATION
- attempting to KEEP THE PEACE
- struggling NOT to HURT SOMEONE’S FEELINGS
But to what end? Are we really keeping the peace? Is it even possible to spare someone’s feelings 100% of the time?
If you’ve lived into your twenties you have experienced countless situations where - no matter how good your intent, character, and attempts at compromise - someone winds up hurt, disappointed or upset.
And what we sacrifice for such a flawed process? Our INNER PEACE.
By saying “yes” when we mean “no”, we are disturbing our inner peace. Only YOU are RESPONSIBLE for your INNER PEACE, and if you don't prioritize it, you are training others to do the same!
Learning to say “NO” when you mean “NO” comes with 4 MAJOR BENEFITS:
- you SET HEALTHIER BOUNDARIES
- you TRAIN OTHERS to RESPECT those boundaries
- you FIND YOUR VOICE
- you LEARN TO LET GO
If this HABIT is one you have developed and refined like so many others, TRANSITIONING to YOUR TRUTH will be difficult. Those who have benefited in the past from your constant complying will especially challenge you, as they are unaccustomed to it.
Now, you may be asking: HOW do I GO from CONFORMING to CONFIDENT?
START with an INVENTORY of the people you have a hard time speaking and sharing your truth with. ANSWER the following questions to begin your list:
- Who DRAINS YOU?
- Who STIFLES YOUR GROWTH?
- Who are those who DO NOT LISTEN or SILENCE YOU?
Then have an HONEST CONVERSATION about how you feel with those in your inventory. Be ready for some to be unreceptive. And with those who are receptive, your new relationship will flourish!
We have created a FREE downloadable worksheet to assist you in getting closer to YOUR TRUTH! Complete the form below to receive an immediate download in your inbox!
MY TRUTH WORKSHEET
Remember, if you continue to IGNORE your INNER VOICE and needs, the STRESS WILL BUILD UP and you will be putting your MENTAL HEALTH IN JEOPARDY.
Always, always say, “YES!” to your PEACE OF MIND!
Have a great week!
7 Simple Ways to Celebrate World Mental Health Day Everyday!
Depression affects 350 million people worldwide. 1 in 5 New Yorkers experiences a mental health disorder in a given year. A large percentage of public high school students report feeling sad or hopeless on a daily basis. Stress-related medical conditions and diminished productivity in the workplace costs U.S. businesses around $300 billion a year!
Mental health affects all aspects of our lives — and will affect someone we know! We can and MUST all do something to help shed a more positive light on mental health.
Wondering how you can observe this day for yourself? Here are 7 ways to do so.
Did you know the world has observed World Mental Health Day on October 10th since 1992?
World Mental Health Day is a vital initiative created by the World Federation for Mental Health (WFMH) an organization present in over 150 countries.
World Mental Health Day is an invitation to:
- ENVISION a world where mental health is a priority for all people
- BUILD awareness and advocate against social stigma
- IGNITE the discussion on best practices for promoting mental health in the school, home, and workplace
- CELEBRATE those who have or are overcoming mental health challenges
- and EMPOWER those who live in silence for fear of being discovered, misunderstood, or deprived of essential care
Depression affects 350 million people worldwide. 1 in 5 New Yorkers experiences a mental health disorder in a given year. A large percentage of public high school students report feeling sad or hopeless on a daily basis. Stress-related medical conditions and diminished productivity in the workplace costs U.S. businesses around $300 billion a year!
Mental health affects all aspects of our lives — and will affect someone we know! We can and MUST all do something to help shed a more positive light on mental health.
Wondering how you can observe this day for yourself? Here are 7 WAYS to do so:
1. MAKE A PLEDGE, starting NOW, that you will make your mental health a priority every day. Shift or remove negative distractions that poorly affect your mental health and emotional stability.
2. PRACTICE SELF-CARE by performing, at least, ONE good habit each day that nourishes your mental health. Regular exercise, eating healthy, meditation, seeking counseling, volunteering, journaling, and expressing daily gratitude are just a few of the effective and inexpensive self-care practices available to you.
3. REGISTER FOR A GROUP THERAPY WORKSHOP focused on your needs and interests.
And how you can observe the day with your local community?
4. SPREAD AWARENESS on the importance of mental health and help stop the stigma around the issue.
5. REACH OUT to a loved one who has been facing challenging times and offer your support. Let them know why you value them.
6. SIGN the WFMH Mentally Healthy Workplace Pledge or discuss at your next team meeting.
7. PARTICIPATE in the Thrive NYC initiative to fight mental illness. They provide Mental Health First Aid trainings, mental health plans, and a 24hr text/hotline to name a few.
If you would like to read and share more encouraging news on mental health around the world here are a few of my personal favorites:
- In Japan: companies are hiring more employees who suffer from mental illness
- In Zimbabwe: the “Friendship Bench” offers a unique blueprint for mental health treatment
- In Great Britain: an innovative a mental health gym makes a world of difference
Recognizing that we need support is just one step — finding the right therapist or support group is an even more difficult step!
Celebrate this World Mental Health Day by making a positive difference in the life of a millennial woman! Take advantage of the MILLENNIAL MINDS! SUPPORT GROUP FOR MILLENNIAL WOMEN discount.
There’s only 1 DAY left to benefit from this discount!
We’re stronger together!